


Control

by ThatDudeNoah



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drabble, Fluff, Garnet is a Softy, Gen, Panic Attacks, Steven needs therapy, pain and comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22251550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatDudeNoah/pseuds/ThatDudeNoah
Summary: Steven tangles his fingers in his hair, pulling and pulling. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears, trying to control his goddamn emotions. He had to be mature. He had to be serious and he had to do some work, anywork. Because it wasn’t happily ever after. It was never happily ever after. He had to do something, something to prove that he was still useful and that he was still capable of things. But what if he wasn’t? What if he really was useless now? What if—A touch on Steven’s shoulder makes him jump and his head is pulled out from between his legs. He can see the outline of whoever is in front of him, but everything is blurry from the tears.“Steven,” Garnet says, but he barely hears it. He’s still trying to steady his body, stop himself from shaking. Fuck, he can’t even control himself in front of Garnet. “Steven, take a deep breath.”~~~Or the one where Steven has a panic attack so Garnet comforts him.
Relationships: Steven Universe & Garnet
Comments: 21
Kudos: 208





	Control

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Panic attacks, vague mentions of depression
> 
> Also warning: I’ve got no clue how to write these two

Steven sat against the table in the greenhouse, knees up to his chest, head in between them as his hands were locked above him. Tears streamed down his face and he tried to breathe, he just had to breathe.

_ I’m such a screw up _ , he thinks. Steven can feel his entire body trembling. He just - he just couldn’t hold it together anymore. His friends were leaving without him, were leaving him behind.  _ They don’t care about me. They don’t need me. _ The other Gems could run Little Homeschool and there were no more missions to go on. He was useless.

_ You’re hurting your friends. You’re hurting the people you love. You can’t even control yourself.  _ Steven can feel his ears ringing, louder and louder as he tries to catch the breath he’s not sure how he lost. He keeps having these  _ episodes _ , keeps going pink and hurting the people he loves. And he can’t control it.  _ Even after all these years, you can’t do it right. You can’t be a real Gem. _ And, fuck, maybe he can’t be a Gem. Maybe it’s good that there were no more missions to go on. He’d probably screw it up anyway.

Steven tangles his fingers in his hair, pulling and pulling. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears, trying to control his goddamn emotions. He had to be mature. He had to be serious and he had to do some work, anywork. Because it wasn’t happily ever after. It was never happily ever after. He had to do  _ something _ , something to prove that he was still useful and that he was still capable of things. But what if he wasn’t? What if he really  _ was _ useless now? What if—

A touch on Steven’s shoulder makes him jump and his head is pulled out from between his legs. He can see the outline of whoever is in front of him, but everything is blurry from the tears. 

“Steven,” Garnet says, but he barely hears it. He’s still trying to steady his body, stop himself from shaking. Fuck, he can’t even control himself in front of Garnet. “Steven, take a deep breath.”

He takes his hands away from his hair, wrapping them around his legs instead and tries to do what Garnet tells him. He tries to take a deep breath, but it feels impossible. His throat feels like it’s closed tight and he can’t get a breath in, it’s all too shaky. But Garnet’s hand is tight and warm and reassuring on his shoulder, grounding him. Steven tries to focus on that, just focuses on the touch and the point of contact and tries to take a breath just thinking about that.

It feels like an eternity later, but Steven’s breathing evens out, and Garnet crouches in front of him, watching him, helping him. 

“I’m sorry,” Steven apologizes immediately. “I-I’m sorry, I d-don’t know wh-wh-why I’m—”

Garnet pulls Steven in to a crushing hug, stopping his words. She strokes her hair through his unruly curly hair and just lets him cry into her chest. And if she shed a tear under her glasses, nobody would know. “It’s okay, Steven,” she promises. “As long as you’re okay.”

A sob escapes Steven’s mouth as he clutched to Garnet. “It’s not okay,” he says, just loud enough that Garnet can hear it. “It-It’s not. It’s never okay. I-I keep screwing up, and p-people keep leaving, and - it’s not okay, Garnet.”

“Then it’s not okay,” she tells him. “But it doesn’t have to be. Things change, Steven. You know that more than anyone. And maybe Earth is moving on, but  _ we’re _ not. We’ll always be here for you, Steven.”

Garnet pulls herself away from Steven gently and takes off her glasses. She brushes back some of Steven’s hair and smiles sadly at him. “You used to be such a happy boy.”

“I’m not a little kid anymore,” Steven says.

She nods. “I know. And I’m sorry for that.”

“Wh - ”

Garnet slides her glasses back on and sighs. “We made you grow up too fast, Steven. And you did such a good job of it. You’re becoming a fantastic young man, but you never got to be a kid. You never got to make mistakes.”

Steven wipes what is left of his tears away from his face. His hands are still shaking and breathing is still difficult, but Steven has more or less gotten under control. “I wasn’t supposed to make mistakes,” he says. “I was supposed to be a Crystal Gem. And now it feels like I’m back at the start, like-like I can’t control my powers again.”

“You’re still human, Steven. And that means you have the capacity for great things, but it also means you’re susceptible to human tendencies. Like stress. Depression.  _ Panic attacks _ .”

Steven feels like crying again. He feels like just falling back into Garnet’s arms and crying. But he can’t. Because he’s an adult now. He wants to be taken seriously. He can’t be so emotional. He knows that if he opens his mouth and if he tries to speak then the tears will fall again, that he won’t be able to hold them back. So he says nothing.

Garnet moves and sits beside Steven, her long legs sticking out in front of her, Steven’s still tucked against his body. “You don’t have to be strong anymore, Steven,” she says. She puts her arm around Steven’s shoulder, pulling him closer. He sighs and puts his head on her shoulder, tears swimming in his eyes. “You did a good job. You tried your best. That’s all we can ask for.”

When a tear rolls down Steven’s face again, he doesn’t feel bad about it. He doesn’t feel as if he’s failed simply because he has emotions. He just cries on Garnet’s shoulder until he has no more tears to cry and then stays there a little longer. They don’t say anything else, but they don’t need to.

Steven will be okay.


End file.
